How to create mindful relationships: Step One

Many mindfulness practitioners have noticed that we tend to be in a constant state of combat with ourselves. We are at war to escape the fact of being limited, limited by so many circumstances we cannot control. We want to get things we cannot have and once we have them we want something else. The same can be true for relationships.

We all know the experience of feeling attracted to a special person. After a while some of us find out that he or she does not have enough of one thing or too much of another. Sometimes there may be good reasons for a separation, break-up, or divorce, particularly when the relationship or marriage involves violence and abuse. However, often a relationship break-up can be avoided. Mindfulness can safe you from a continuing cycle of infatuation and dissatisfaction with the next partner, and the next.

To end the war we have to stop fighting. We need to stop fighting with ourselves and with our loved-ones. The first step is to be aware of what we hate and what we crave for right here and right now. Don’t judge yourself for whatever comes up when you are dissatisfied next time your partner doesn’t take out the trash, or does not listen to you, or does anything that triggers you. And don’t judge your partner. Instead take a breath and be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. Are you tensing up? Be curious of what’s going on, every detail. This is the first step towards a mindful relationship. Sounds too easy to be effective? Try it out.

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